National Association of Marriage Enhancement

February: The Love Month & The Divorce Month

It takes no convincing why February would be known as the love month. Valentines Day creates a buzz and excitement that millions of Americans take part in. Many celebrate it all month long, but did you know that last year a study reported requests for divorce lawyers are 40% higher in February than the six months prior to it?  It is very suspicious that in a month with so much love there would be so much division—or is it?

1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary the devil
prowls around like a roaming lion, seeking someone to devour (NASB).” We Christians know that it is Satan’s character to divide and distort our perceptions against one another. He loathes goodness and wants to rob you of your joy. It is no wonder that there is an increase in divorce in a month that celebrates love and marriage. Here are six thoughts that the devil may try to implant in your brain around Valentine’s Day:

1. “Clearly, my husband/wife’s lack of effort in planning reflects how little they care about this marriage.” No, not necessarily, planning and caring do not equal the same thing. Procrastinating problems, business, and/or forgetfulness could all be a part of a poorly planned evening. These issues are personal ones that your spouse needs to work on. Your spouse may not even know how their disorganization is making you question their love. Have an honest discussion about your disappointment and how it makes you feel.

2.  “My friend’s spouse bought ____________ and planned ______________ and my spouse would never do that for me.” First of all, comparisons like these are unhealthy. Thou shall not covet. Also, the grass may appear to be greener on the other side, but you don’t know if it is fake grass for show or not. A romantic symbol or gesture does not mean that one has the best relationship; it could have been an extra large gesture to save their marriage. Bottom line, you are not in their shoes. Secondly, do you really know if your spouse would never do that for you? Maybe he/she needs coaching or he/she didn’t know you would want that grand of a gesture or maybe he/she would assume you would be upset that all that money was spent.

3.  “He/she clearly made an effort on Valentine’s Day, but none of this can make up for how they treated me all of last year.” Sounds like someone is having difficulty forgiving. This thought clearly does not want to let go of the past. It wants to stay bitter. Watch out for bitterness; it is a dangerous infection that poisons the relationship and yourself.

4.  “The gifts and gestures have gradually become more lame and lazy. Why should I stay with someone who does not make me feel special?” The gifts may not be great anymore for a different reason other than the spouse’s apathy. The lesser gifts may be a symbol that they feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. This should be seen as a complement. However, if the decrease in special gifts is making you feel less special, you need to let your spouse know how important nice gifts are to you because it is a tangible way to see that they care.

5.  “I hardly received a ‘thank you’ for what I did on Valentines Day, and now that it is over I am getting nagged constantly. I don’t think I can stay with someone who doesn’t see how good they have got it.” If your spouse was not very thankful, that is understandably annoying, but this does not sound like the attitude of a cheerful giver. It sounds like someone who cares more about acknowledgment than feeling blessed to be a blessing. If you are feeling under appreciated, do not threaten him/her to appreciate you by saying things like, “you don’t know how good you have it.” That attitude comes from someone who is selfish. Try saying something such as, “what is the best way I can bless you? I tried on Valentine’s Day, but I am not sure if I made it as amazing as I hoped it would be for you.”

6. “The sex is not like it used to be. The romance is dead. I don’t think anyone deserves to be this unsatisfied in their sex life.” It sounds like you are pitying your self—something only selfish people do. Is it possible that over the years you have grown more selfish and that that selfishness has seeped into your sex life? There is no place for selfishness in great sex. Great sex has two people selflessly serving the other’s needs, so that both can fulfill each other. That could be a key differentiator why the sex has changed over the years.

Take these things into consideration if the devil tries to attack your marriage this month. As long as you stay on guard, ignore the lies of the devil and fill your thoughts of marriage with what is good and righteous, you do not need to be worried for divorce. God doesn’t want you to live in a spirit of fear. Build the security in your relationship through communication and through two strong spiritual walks that form an even stronger spiritual unity. We at NAME believe in you! We know that with God’s help you can flourish in your marriage!

The statistic comes from this article: