National Association of Marriage Enhancement

Incompatible Bliss

“I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable.” —GK Chesterton

In current society, everyone thinks that compatibility is the way that a marriage could work. It is in movies and online dating websites and many young excited conversations. Compatibility works when it is the big stuff like are they a Christian too or are they also in daily prayer. The Bible says, “do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” (2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV) Therefore, we know that the Bible wants us to be compatible in our faith. However, there is never any verse in the Bible that says to find your perfect match in every way is to unlock the key of marital success.

Ponder on the differences between you and your spouse. You probably have many, and those differences probably drive you crazy at times. God knew by allowing to very different people to covenant together He would force them into a place where they had the opportunity to grow in mercy, grace, acceptance and love. If two people were compatible, life would be easy because it would be immensely agreeable. With two incompatible people, life is a bit more difficult, but through difficulty comes growth and maturity.

God did not just create marriage to make you happy; He created it to help mature you spiritually. If God created marriage simply to make you happy, He would have destined a soul mate that you would never argue with and that would always compliment and agree with anything you would do. Let’s be honest—in our fallen nature that is what makes us happy! Fights and arguments are not moments of happiness. Since God created marriage not to make you happy, but to spiritually mature you, He made marriage as a high calling—one that requires patience, self-control, humility… Need I go on? All of these traits are built through a disagreement with a person who does not see eye to eye with you.

The happiest marriages are people who have learned to disagree agreeably. Each spouse has learned to practice the fruits of the spirit in their home. Spouses who get along perfectly do not have a reason to grow in God. Spouses who are desperate to make it work with their very incompatible lover have to rely on God and they have to ask Him to help them in their pursuit of a more unified union.

To read more on embracing and celebrating your differences, check out Dr. Leo’s book Men Are From Dirt, Women Are From Men.

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