National Association of Marriage Enhancement

The Blame Game

The blame game is a natural tendency of our fallen nature. How do we know that?
First, we know from the Garden of Eden. Adam immediately pointed to Eve. Second, We see it in young children. They immediately want to point fingers and say, “well, he/she started it!” As a parent, the typical response in our house was, “I don’t care who started it, work it out!” The problem is many people are still doing this when they are older. They haven’t stopped playing the blame game in their adult life, and now it is affecting their marriage. Old habits die hard, BUT it is not impossible!

In counseling, it is very normal for a couple to come in ready to point out all the reasons why it is their spouses fault why they are there.  Realistically, there probably are valid reasons as to why their spouse contributed to their marital difficulties, however, if the person doesn’t learn how to point the finger back at themselves and start the self-examination process, the marriage will be extremely difficult to fix.

Blaming does not get you through the problem. It worsens the problem; it keeps you stagnant in the problem, because neither person’s focus is how to work through it, but who started it. The devil wants you to play the blame game, because it further divides you. It keeps you focused on the past, rather than the potential future.

It is time to put the childish ways behind. It is time to kill the old habit. Next time you hear yourself blaming, ask yourself, “How have I contributed to the problem?” or “What can I do better next time to encourage my spouse from making the same mistake?” Your marriage cannot change with the examination of one person, of your spouse. Your marriage CAN change if you become willing to self-examine as well. Turn that finger around and become introspective of yourself not just retrospective of your spouse’s responsibilities.

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